Things I'll Never Know
by iliasc
Summary: And in the darkness, she listens to the silence. Oneshot. ::Tyzula Week::


**WARNING: deals with suicide.**

* * *

A few days before the failed Invasion, Azula gazes at a candle's dancing blue flame.

Azula snuffs out the candle illuminating her bedroom and sits down beside Ty Lee.

And in the darkness, she listens to the sound of her best friend's breathing.

Ty Lee whimpers and Azula wonders why.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" mockingly asks Azula as she turns to the shadowy outline of her best friend.

"No. But I'm afraid of being in it with you," whispers Ty Lee, afraid to speak, her voice constricted and tight. "I don't know—I don't know what would happen—I just don't know…"

She does not know if Azula will hurt her or love her.

"Because I'm scary?" Azula inquires, very proud of the fear she inspires in everyone.

"Well, yeah, you're super scary. But I'm also scared of what I want to…" Ty Lee is grateful for the darkness because of how hard she blushes.

"What you want to…" Azula seems to truly not know.

Ty Lee whispers in one frightened breath, "What I want to do."

"Like what?" purrs Azula, uncertain what her best friend means.

Ty Lee was so afraid Azula would say that. So afraid she would.

"You might… you might not like it and I want you to like it and like me and I don't want to do anything you don't like." _And suffer some complicated and terrifying wrath._

"Try me. I will not rest until I know what you mean."

Ty Lee squeezes her eyes shut, even though she is in darkness already, and kisses where she truly hopes Azula's lips are. She succeeds at finding them, then recoils, her life flashing before her eyes as she is certain she is going to die.

Azula says at last, "That was, that was nice. I wouldn't mind if you did it again."

Ty Lee cannot stop smiling for days.

* * *

A few days after she returns to the palace, Azula gazes at a candle's dancing blue flame.

Azula snuffs out the candle illuminating her bedroom and sits down beside Ty Lee.

And in the darkness, she listens to the sound of her pounding heartbeat.

She is scared to be home, scared of this life, scared of herself and why she would choose this imprisonment over the far more dignified death. She is scared to be reunited with someone who stabbed her in the heart and then lobbied so hard for her freedom.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" mockingly asks Azula, trying her best to break the uncomfortable silence that they share.

"Y'know, I still have pretty fond memories of last time we were alone in the dark," whispers Ty Lee, just as frightened as Azula. She knows the princess could hurt her, or worse, reject her. "But I guess I'm afraid and I don't know—I don't know—I don't know what you'll do—I don't know what you think of me—I don't know if you're still hurting over what I did to you—I don't know. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for what I did to you and I just wish, I just hope you'll forgive me."

"There is a chance of that happening," Azula says with a smirk.

"Really?" Ty Lee asks breathlessly, daring to get her hopes up.

"Make me an offer," orders Princess Azula.

Ty Lee keeps her eyes open this time as she kisses where she knows Azula's lips are. She crushes her own lips against them and then recoils, afraid to die.

Azula says, "That is a very compelling reason to forgive you."

Ty Lee cannot stop smiling for days.

* * *

A few days after Azula takes her own life, Ty Lee gazes at the reflection of dancing candles in Zuko's eyes. She cannot stop staring at him and she does not know why. Maybe because he has a chance of understanding like she does.

"Do you know why?" asks Zuko.

"Maybe because of me, if that's not too selfish," says Ty Lee, because she truly believes it. "I should've given it up for her. I should've never done anything wrong."

"But you knew her better than anybody else," Zuko argues, raising his voice a little too loudly.

Ty Lee internalizes that blame. How could she not?

"No, I didn't," whispers Ty Lee, crestfallen and broken. "If I knew her, if I had the tiniest bit of real knowledge of Azula, I would've stopped her from doing this."

Zuko does not know what to say.

* * *

A few days after Azula's funeral, Ty Lee gazes at a candle's dancing orange flame.

Ty Lee snuffs out the candle illuminating her deceased girlfriend's empty bedroom and sits down alone.

And in the darkness, she listens to the silence.


End file.
